Why is your site called “awkward evil?”
It’s actually called “awkward devil.” I thought the domain name looked better with one “d.” I realize the spelling is sort of awkward, but in a way that kind of works out. Because I’m awkward. And kind of a devil sometimes.
You say you used to be a satanist. What does that mean, exactly?
Satanism is a philosophy (or religion, depending on how you look at it) founded by a fearsome, bald half Jew named Anton Szandor LaVey in 1966. It is basically an atheistic set of principles that embraces satan as symbolism for man’s true nature. In this respect, satanism is not devil worship, it is actually more like ego-driven self worship, because the only god (or devil) you recognize is yourself.
In some ways, I think the ideological significance behind satanism is often overlooked. This is understandable, because the word “satan” is inevitably going to alienate most people. However, America, as a nation, has always placed an obsessive emphasis on individualism, self-centeredness, and a separation between church and state. With this in mind, I think satanism is actually much more compatible with western capitalist societies than just about any spiritual religion. In my opinion, it is definitely worse to be a scientologist than a satanist.
All the same, I no longer consider myself to be a satanist because I was never particularly impressed with the other people who called themselves that. While satanists are supposed to value “a good sense of humor” and “freedom of thought” I never saw evidence of either in the people I corresponded with. The Church of Satan (LaVey’s organization as it exists today) demands $300 for a plastic membership card. As much as I’d love to be aligned with the powers of darkness for life, I am a little too much of a cheap Jew to pony up that kind of cash.
In response to this policy, many satanic splinter groups have since emerged on the internet. There is lots of in-fighting among satarded internet trolls over “what it means” to be a satanist. The whole thing is really starting to resemble your average organized religion. Which is why I opted out. LaVey’s The Satanic Bible is a fun read, but I’m not into joining groups. Of any kind.
Also, try telling a girl that your a satanist. See how far that gets you.
From Gen: Why satanism?
As in why would I have ever chosen it to begin with? That’s a good question, Gen. I guess for starters, because I was an angst-ridden teen in the suburbs, and my parents (both agnostic) had never really set any kind of religious foundation in our home.
But additionally, I’d say it’s because I’m not like most other people I meet. That’s because when I was fourteen, my folks tricked me into entering an adolescent treatment center under the pretense that we were going on vacation to Utah, of all places. This facility was run by a narcissistic, David Koresh of a “therapist” who liked to show off his hand gun in group therapy sessions. He also routinely had members of my group wear garbage bags to show case their self-esteem issues, and made me read the Book of Mormon. When most people my age were out getting drunk and high for the first time, I was getting routinely “restrained” by ex-football players who liked to shove my head so hard into a carpet, I had rug burns on my neck and face.
I mention this because, after living for a year in a place like that, satanism did not seem like that much of a cult to me. I’d already lived in one of those. At an impressionable age, I’d already seen and experienced things that I shouldn’t have. As a result, I don’t have a lot of the delusions that others have about the world. I don’t think that people are inherently “good.” In that way, I still have a good deal of common ground with the satanists, though I’m hesitant to admit it, because I am not a crusty internet troll with a moniker like LordAsmodeus666.
From Nancy: Shoes, purses, and tattoos say a lot about a person. Do you have a tattoo and what is it a picture of?
While my adidas don’t really say too much about me, I don’t think, and I don’t own a purse, I do have several tattoos. The one my mom likes the most is on my left forearm. It’s an image from the pop artist Coop of a nun with her boob hanging out of her habit. There is also a banner around her which reads, “Brides of Christ.” I got that when I was eighteen and still heavily on my satan trip, but I still don’t know what the big deal is. As far as I understand, if you are a nun, you are supposed to be married to Jesus, yes?
Then there’s also my right shoulder piece, a portrait of Sid Haig in his role as Captain Spaulding, the wise cracking serial killer clown in Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses/Devil’s Rejects. This rendering of him is so realistic, it even gives me the creeps.
Aaron is my best friend since grade school. For that reason he may be referenced in my posts fairly frequently. We didn’t really think we had anything in common until one day in the fourth grade we had a chance discussion about pro wrestling. Unlike me, Aaron is not a total Hellion. He’s actually a grade school teacher. So I will try to avoid posting anything too incriminating about him in my blog. With the exception of pictures like this one.