Best Racial Gimmicks of Wrestling

A few weeks ago on Monday, July 23, the WWE celebrated its one thousandth anniversary of their hit weekly series Monday Night Raw. As one of the longest running cable TV shows in the United States, this anniversary extravaganza proved to be a reunion for the greats of pro wrestling, past and present.

One curious guest however, was the pimp hatted, gheri curled, cane wielding geezer by the name of Slick. The audience response from the WWE universe seemed rather noncommittal in regards to this particular individual. As an ordained minister, he was there to officiate the story line wedding between superstars, Daniel Bryan and AJ. Yet the primary question on the minds of young foam fingered fans seemed to be, “who is this sketchy old black guy?”

Anyone who’s watched wrestling during the 80’s knows that Kenneth “Slick” Johnson (otherwise known as “The Slickster” or “The Doctor of Style”) was actually one of the most colorful ringside managers in the history of rasslin. That’s not even a race joke. Dude was colorful. He wore flashy suits, told the television cameras that he was “lean, mean with pockets full of green,” and made an amazing music video for a song called “Jive Soul Bro,” which was featured on the oft sought Pile Driver: The Wrestling Album 2. 

It was the video for “Jive Soul Bro” that played on the giant Titantron, as Slick made his ring entrance that Monday. Equal parts racist and fun, the video features the Slickster (with a mouthful of fried chicken) promising to out dance Michael Jackson. He also performs a drum roll. With some drumsticks.

Of course it’s the Slickster’s love of yard bird that’s most often recalled from his career, and although chicken is a damn sensitive issue right now, Johnson seemed to have no qualms informing the audience that, “you know the Slickster has been promised a whole lotta yard bird in exchange for my services tonight!”

With performances like this, accusations of racist caricature in the world of wrestling are nothing new. Just take this debut promo for Akeem the African Dream, in which Slick leads a primitive tribal dance ceremony around a flaming trash can in the middle of some ghetto alley. Kind of un-pc, even by wrestling’s low standards today.

And yet, while these sleazy mongoloid wrestling gimmicks may re-enforce racist attitudes, does it actually harm anyone? Sociologist types would likely argue that it does. They say that foreign or ethnically based characters are always the heel/villains who cheat to win.

Ok. So fucking what?

Personally, when I was a kid, I always rooted for the foreign bad guys because I thought they were more interesting than their bland, baby-face counterparts. And if the majority of people chant “USA” and cheer on the dude in the stars & stripes underwear, then that’s fine too. Isn’t it natural to hate and fear whoever is different from ourselves? Isn’t this just another way of celebrating cultural difference?

With that in mind, here is just a small handful of my favorite pro wrestlers who antagonized audiences with their race or ethnic identity.

Kamala

Often known as the Ugandan Head Hunter, this guy was a straight up carnie attraction. A face painted, 380 pound cannibal, his name was selected straight out of a National Geographic Magazine. In reality, James Harris is a soft spoken truck driver from Mississippi. He’ll definitely tell you about how racist he feels the wrestling industry was to him, but that’s mostly in relation to money. As far as the offensive gimmick goes, he still loves putting on his jungle loincloth from time to time. Here he is choking me out in a picture we took a few years ago.

Nikolai Volkoff

Josip Nikolai Peruzovic grew up in the Soviet Republic of Croatia, then a part of Yugoslavia.  He was a member of the Yugoslavian weight lifting team, until he defected to Canada in 1967. An ex communist with an axe to grind, the smelly Russian character he became known for was all his own idea. His singing of the Soviet national anthem before matches really pissed people off, and served as his own personal stab at the Stalinist beast. Now a code enforcement officer in Baltimore County, Maryland, he ran unsuccessfully in the 2006 Maryland Republican primary for State Delegate of his district.

Yokozuna

Though Rodney Agatupu Anoa’i was actually of Samoan origin, he was billed throughout the 90’s as a sumo wrestler from the land of the rising sun. Weighing nearly six hundred pounds, he definitely looked the part. Just like Hollywood, wrestling is all about type casting, and people of polynesian descent have often portrayed the hated Japs. Yoko never went to the ring without the company of his manager Mr. Fuji, a dead ringer for the Bond villain, Oddjob.

The Iron Sheik

What can I say about this guy that hasn’t already been said? Aside from having a mustache that’s famous in and of itself, the Sheik was so reviled in his day for his anti-Americanism that he’s now become a downright American icon. In his old age, the Iranian Olympic grappler who perfected the camel clutch has re-invented himself as a jolly, chode shaped person with a mouth that rivals Charlie Sheen.

If you still need your Sheik fix you can follow him, too. Tweets include, “mitt romney grasshopper dick,” “respect the intelligent Jew,” and “Hulk Hogan Birthday, I hope he get raped by a dead dog.”

Oh and speaking of Hulk Hogan, dude is a nigga.

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Post-racial, gay Obama chicken, ya’ll

Not to beat a dead chicken, but in the course of writing about Chick-fil-A, I happened to stumble across this article in The New York Times.

I’m seriously curious. What the hell is the matter with some Arab owned carry out place referring to itself as Obama Fried Chicken?

Seeing as the place exists in Brownsville, Brooklyn, the native home of the fat, sassy Rev. Al Sharpton, I suppose it’s only natural that it should be deemed “offensive to African Americans.”  Yet on the other hand, Obama is the “post-racial” president. In a post-racial society like ours, why should the name of our president (who single-handedly eliminated the notion of race), be offensive to anyone, in particular a community of “African Americans”, who according to post-racial standards, needn’t be limited by that identity?

Well, because it’s a racial stereotype, picketers will say, that black people eat fried chicken.

Ok. In my own experience growing up around black people, I’d say this is often true. And I am craving some Popeye’s as I write this, so I guess my blackness is showing. But all that aside, is it really so unreasonable to assume that Barack Obama has eaten fried chicken before? He seems to like it a lot…

And what about the Reverend Al? If this racial stereotype really bothers him so much, why does he perpetuate it by eating so much fried chicken? Additionally, isn’t it fair to assume that at some point in time, these two leaders of the post-black public dined on a wing or two together? As the magical 8 ball indicates, signs point to yes.

Furthermore, isn’t Obama also “the first gay president?” Couldn’t that make his chicken a rainbow friendly alternative to the fascism of Chick-fil-A as the popularity of his bird continues to flourish?

Already there are Obama Fried Chicken locations in Manhattan and Beijing. There’s even a deli/grocery in the Baltimore ghetto called Welcome Second Obama..whatever that means.

With all these Obama themed restaurants popping up all around the post racial globe, I’m kind of surprised that the White House couldn’t have issued a nicer statement.  But then again on the other hand, I’m kind of surprised that the White House felt compelled to issue any statement at all.

I know it’s been a tense couple of weeks but it’s just chicken, folks. Let’s chill the fuck out.

Shit Ultimate Warrior Says

When it comes to the student demonstrators, “anarchists”, and others in the Occupy Wallstreet Movement, there are a lot of unkind things I’m tempted to say.  But why say them when pro wrestling legend, The Ultimate Warrior can say them, for me?

Recently in an interview captured on The Young Turks Network, James Brian Hellwig (aka The Warrior) told reporters “I would never take a one sided defense for corporate America, but I find it a little ironic that most of these kids own iPads, iPhones, all these material things that are a big part of the consumerism that goes on in this country.”

Sounds fair, so far as I’m concerned.  Although Cenk Uygur disagrees. According to this smart-mouth Turk, since The Warrior is a  former wrestler, he must be wrong. Cenk says that the “core message” of the Occupy movement is the purchasing of politicians by corporations–not corporations themselves. A good rebuttal, but ultimately not effective enough. Not when one considers The Warrior’s additional point that a lot of these young occupiers don’t even know what they are protesting in the first place. To this effect, all Cenk had to say was, once again, “the guy is a wrestler, he gets hit with chairs.”

Having heard both sides, I’m gonna have to award the argument to The Warrior. I’ll concede that he’s one roided, ragey dude (and not particularly well spoken at that), but for me, his tirade hits home a little more than Cenk’s rather simplistic defense of the movement. I might also be siding with The Warrior here, because I don’t particularly like the Turkish people I’ve met. In fact, I often find myself thinking that Turkey is nothing but a third world Muslim shit hole masquerading as a European nation. That’s not The Warrior speaking. That’s all me.

Then there are other things The Warrior says.  Like the time he told the Young Republicans at the University of Connecticut that “queering doesn’t make the world work.”

Later on his website, he put this in more politically correct terms by explaining that the human race would die out if everyone was a homosexual. I don’t think The Warrior considered insemination in this case, but removing that from the equation, it’s sort of hard to argue with what he said. I do, however, think it’s good to have some gays around, if only to limit the amount of reckless breeding going on out there. I would amend this quote by saying, “queering doesn’t make the world work, but some queering is necessary.”

Of course, when it comes to his wrestling promos, there is a lot of other shit that The Ultimate Warrior says which is ultimately indecipherable.

Back in his prime, I’m not sure he  understood what he was saying in front of the camera, either. In this bit here, he’s perfectly clear about the fact that he “never did understand” and “never tried to understand” anything at all, basically.

Not to mention, this pre-9/11 gem, in which The Warrior alludes to pilots “who have already made the sacrifice” and threatens to crash Hulk Hogan’s plane.

Ultimately, no matter what The Warrior claimed to be “injecting” in his veins from those “Warrior Gods” he spoke of, at least we know that nicotine wasn’t a part of the mix.